and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
