If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She said her name was "party"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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