Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
