can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
