can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
