told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
