She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
