In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
