Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
