Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
