I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
