how can u be prego again
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
