it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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