I smell stomach acid.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
