a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
