Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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