I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
