yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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