Is it normal to miss your booty call?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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