Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
