Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
either way he was missing a nipple.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
