I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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