No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
