What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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