I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
