My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
