i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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