Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
