His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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