she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
