So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
