I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
