Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
