is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
