But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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