I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
