And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
