it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
