Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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