why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
