HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
