If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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