Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
