So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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