I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
