suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
