the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
