I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
