Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
