wanna go halves on a baby?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up under a house in Key West
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