OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
