i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize