All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
