So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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