"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
