I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
