dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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