dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
