I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
