Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
