I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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