my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My pussy is not your playground.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
don't judge my taste in strippers
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
