yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
