So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
