Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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