I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
