i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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