You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
