You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well most of my day revolves around power hour
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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