Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
