You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
