If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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